Not You
by Whatsername Stardust
Summary: Three songfics tracing Neville and Luna's break up and the aftermath there of
1. You Could Be Happy

_**You could be happy and I won't know  
>But you weren't happy the day I watched you go <strong>_

He hadn't wanted to let go of her. The last thing in the whole bloody world Neville had wanted to do was let Luna go on that rainy October morning. He didn't want to let her leave, but that was the right thing for him to do. So he'd opened his arms, and she had walked out of them. She wanted to see the world. He was still settling into his new skin, his new life. So he had opened his arms and she had walked not just out of them, but his life. And she looked back. And the look in her eyes, that tiny bit of regret, just barely shed tears, made him want to run to her. But he didn't, because he knew if he did she would never leave. And she deserved to see the world. She deserved all the joy she could find, be it down the block or across an ocean. So on October 15th, Neville Longbottom watched the love of his life walk away from him._****_

_**And all the things that I wished I had not said  
>Are played on loops 'till it's madness in my head<strong>_

He was a wreck for days, weeks, months. He went to work each day, at the wizard nursery, came home at seven, sat on his couch and stared at the mantel. All he could do was think of her. She was everywhere. All the things he said to her that might have made her stay. The things that might have scared her away. He could barely sleep at night for the vivid memory of her beside him. He missed her. He missed her like mad. Yeah, she wrote him, and he wrote her, but letters were…letters. And it's not as if they talked about anything of consequence. It's not like he ever mentioned he still loved her. That he was going mad without her. _****_

_**Is it too late to remind you how we were  
>But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur<strong>_

He wrote dozens of letters stating just that, of course. Letters about how much he missed the way her small hands fit in just one of his. The way the moonlight lit her hair so it looked as if it was a moonbeam itself. Letters about how much he loved her, how missing her was tearing him apart inside because he loved her too much to be away from her. Letters apologizing for scaring her away, even if he didn't know what he'd done. Not that he ever sent them, not a one. _****_

_**Most of what I remember makes me sure  
>I should have stopped you from walking out the door <strong>_

He stood in his door way one day, a year later, staring at the space on his porch she used to occupy every night that one glorious summer. The fading sun on her hair. The smile that reached her eyes, always. The dreamy tone of her voice, her slim fingers in his. He never should have let her leave. There was a new girl now, sort of. She wasn't Luna. She had wavy dirty blonde hair. But it's wasn't as long and it didn't shine like moonlight. Her eyes were wide and pale, but not as blue or as honest. Her name was Hannah. And she was lovely, but she wasn't Luna, and she looked out of place on the porch, even another six months later, when she moved in._****_

_**You could be happy, I hope you are  
>You made me happier than I'd been by far<strong>_

They still wrote, occasionally. Mostly about nothing. She had a boyfriend who seemed good for her. He just wanted her to be happy. Because nothing made him as happy as her, and even if he couldn't have her, her happiness was enough to keep him going. Even if it was some other man holding her hand and receiving those bright smiles, and stroking that moonbeam hair. _****_

_**Somehow everything I own smells of you  
>And for the tiniest moment it's all not true <strong>_

Even nearly two years later, her scent, cherries and sugar and parchment and buttery soap, lingered in his room, his sheets, his drapes. In the morning when he awoke, before he opened his eyes, sometimes he forgot. And for a moment the small woman in his arms wasn't Hannah. Luna had never walked away from him. She was here still. In his arms, with him. But then he opened his eyes, and saw Hannah and it was almost like losing her all over again, each morning.

Somehow, he couldn't find the strength to charm the smell away. It felt like erasing her. _****_

_**Do the things that you always wanted to  
>Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do<br>**_

He kept all her pictures. Her in the Amazon, her in the mountains. Even the ones with her boyfriend in them. Because he loved seeing her happy, glowing face. Even if only in print, even if only with another man, her smile was the best thing he'd ever seen. And she was so happy. Out doing what she'd always been meant to. If he'd run after her, she'd have stayed. And then he would have been holding her back. She would only have been happy for so long.

_**More than anything I want to see you go  
>Take a glorious bite out of the whole world <strong>_

On their two year anniversary he proposed to Hannah. She said yes. He didn't use his grandmother's engagement ring. In his mind it would always belong to the beautiful blonde woman with the wild spirit and the calm eyes. The one he let walk away. The one he set free.


	2. Someone Like You

_**I heard that you're settled down.  
>That you found a girl and you're married now.<br>I heard that your dreams came true.  
>Guess she gave you things, I didn't give to you<br>Old friend, why are you so shy?  
>It ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.<strong>_

Luna received the invitation via owl in August. It had been two years. She had to know this was coming. But it crushed her. She knew he'd have to move on, but this invitation in her hands was too real. She had Rolf but he wasn't the man she loved. She replied with an RSVP. She said yes.

She'd hate to disappoint him. She knew he'd expect her. She knew he'd missed her. _****_

_**I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited.  
>But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.<br>I'd hoped you'd see my face & that you'd be reminded,  
>That for me, it isn't over.<strong>_

She walked up to the Leaky Cauldron, back in London for the first time in years. He didn't know she was here yet. She was scheduled to get in a week later. Rolf was home with her father. She was sitting at the bar. She was pretty, Hannah. Soft hair, green eyes, creamy skin. Her laughter sounded like a bell. Neville sat beside her, staring off into space, his hand on his fiancée's knee. Her hand is on his and she can see the ring. She turns and walks away._****_

_**Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.  
>I wish nothing but the best, for you too.<br>Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said:-  
>"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"<br>Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah.**_

She runs back home, and tries to look at Rolf but all she sees are the hazel eyes that aren't warm enough, the chestnut hair that is too neatly trimmed, the hands that aren't callused enough. She hears a voice that isn't the deep one she wants to hear. She tells him he's tired and locks herself in her room. She leaves with a pop, apparating out._****_

_**You'd know, how the time flies.  
>Only yesterday, was the time of our lives.<br>We were born and raised in a summery haze.  
>Bound by the surprise of our glory days.<strong>_

She knocks on his door, knowing she overheard something about Hannah having her hen party tonight. He opens it, looking disheveled. He looks down at her and his mouth falls open. And in that moment, had she been a lesser person, she would have flung herself at him. He whispered her name. He still knew her. She nodded and then left again. She couldn't bear it._****_

_**I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,  
>But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.<br>I'd hoped you'd see my face & that you'd be reminded,  
>That for me, it isn't over yet.<strong>_

The week dragged by. She rarely saw him, avoiding him for the most part. He was happy. Hnnah Abbot made Neville Longbottom hapy. And his happiness was what mattered. She was, after all, the one who walked away all those years ago. Was it really that long? Just over three years?

Sometimes she wondered why he hadn't run after her. But she knew in her heart it was because he knew she wanted to travel and didn't want to hold her back, and if he'd run, she wold never have left. He thought this was what she wanted. And it had backfired. She was about to watch the man she loved marry another woman, far better for him than she could ever be._****_

_**Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.  
>I wish nothing but the best for you too.<br>Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said:-  
>"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"<strong>_

She went home, it was a Wednesday, and told Rolf she couldn't do it. He asked if it was Neville and she nodded. You have his eyes, she told him, raising a hand to his cheek, but you just aren't him. He nodded, gathered his things and was gone. Luna's father worried over her and she said she was fine, she had to get her dress ready for Neville's wedding. She was just tired, she'd jumped a few time zones. _****_

_**Nothing compares, no worries or cares.  
>Regrets and mistakes they're memories made.<br>Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?**_

Normally, Luna was the eternal optimist. But nothing had ever felt so bittersweet before. Neville was happy. He had a loving soon to be wife, who was beautiful and sane and had a stable job. They would have kids, and she would let him name them after his mum and dad. She wondered, idly, if he'd introduced them. If the ring she wore was the one that was his gran's. _****_

_**Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.  
>I wish nothing but the best for you too.<br>Don't forget me, I beg, I remembered you said:-  
>"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"<strong>_

She finally fell asleep that night and it was fitful. A dozen dreams that broke with bits of waking, memories she once held dear. The smell of his soap. His cardigans that his gran knit him. The way his chest felt under her head as he told her stories while they fell asleep. Each time she squeezed her eyes shot and repeated the same mantra in her head. _He's happy. He's happy and that's what matters. I can be content as long as he's smiling.__****_

_**Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.  
>I wish nothing but the best for you too.<br>Don't forget me, I beg, I remembered you said:-  
>"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"<br>Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead**_


	3. I'd Be Home

_**You're the sky that I fell through  
>And I remember the view whenever I'm holding you<br>The sun hung from a string looking down on the world as it warms over everything  
>Chills run down my spine as our fingers entwine<br>And your sighs harmonize with mine  
>Unmistakably, I can still feel your heart beat fast when you dance with me<strong>_

_I can't do this_ he thought, laying in his bed, the night before his wedding. Last night, the rehearsal dinner, had undone him. She was there. But he wasn't. Rolf. And her ring was gone. She'd left him, he'd left her, something. So here was this beautiful girl, whom he used to lay with under the stars in the heat of summer just to hear her breath, and she was alone. And he was getting married. He could barely look at Hannah. She noticed._****_

_**We got older and I should've known  
>(Do you feel alive?)<br>That I feel colder when I walk alone  
>(Oh, but you'll survive)<br>So I may as well ditch my dismay  
>Bombs away<br>Bombs away**_

He ran to the pub, where she was staying with her girlfriends and pulled her out front. She knew as soon as he looked at her. _It's her, isn't it_ she whispered. Neville nodded and apologized. She slid off the ring and handed it to him. He shook his head _You can keep it. Sell it, hex it whatever. It was…it was never the one I was going to give her. _He looked at her sadly. She slid the ring into her pocket and told him good bye. He walked away, deciding whether to sleep or not._****_

_**Circle me and the needle moves gracefully back and forth  
>If my heart was a compass, you'd be North<br>Risk it all 'cause I'll catch you if you fall  
>Wherever you go, if my heart was a house, you'd be home<strong>_

He'd looked so handsome. They made a lovely couple. Luna thought all this as she stared out her window the night before her best friend's wedding. She was happy for him. He was getting the future he deserved. She bit her lip and shook her head. She couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if he'd never let her walk away. If tomorrow would be her wedding day. But as long as he was happy.

She sighed heavily and tucked herself into bed. She couldn't be late to her best friend's wedding._****_

_**It makes me smile because you said it best  
>I would clearly feel blessed if the sun rose up from the West<br>Flowerbomb perfume, all my clothes smell like you  
>'Cause your favorite shade is navy blue<strong>_

Luna was almost asleep, reality blurring into dreams, when there was a commotion in her living room. She heard a distant laugh and something that sounded like 'I was wondering when you'd show up.' She shook it all off and closed her eyes, trying to sleep. If she could sleep, she could forget for a few hours. She thought she heard thumping come up her stairs, but she was already finally fading to sleep._****_

_**I walk slowly when I'm on my own  
>(Do you feel alive?)<br>Yeah, but frankly I still feel alone  
>(Oh, but you'll survive)<br>So I may as well ditch my dismay  
>Bombs away<br>Bombs away**_

She had been having the loveliest dream when someone shook her awake. She mumbled angrily at them, but they persisted. She finally opened her eyes, and upon doing so, looked right into the warm hazel eyes she hadn't looked into in years. _Neville._ She didn't speak it so much as she breathed it.

"What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't marry Hannah. I won't marry Hannah. I left her. About two hours ago. Where's Rolf?"

"He left Wednesday."

"Why? You always seemed to make you so happy." Luna shook her head, fighting th urge to cry and yell at Neville or hug him or kiss him or do anything but stare at him as she was. _****_

_**Circle me and the needle moves gracefully back and forth  
>If my heart was a compass, you'd be North<br>Risk it all 'cause I'll catch you if you fall  
>Wherever you go, if my heart was a house, you'd be home<strong>_

_**If my heart was a house, you'd be home**_

"Why are you here, Nev?"

"I missed you. I never stopped missing you. I never stopped loving you. Why did you come early? You've been here two weeks."

"I was homesick"

"For Ottery St. Catchpool?"

"No. For you." He leaned forward then and hugged her. And every ounce of tension he'd held in his body since she left melted away. She mumbled as she snuggled into him "Never, ever let me walk away from you again."

"I thought you'd be happy!"

"Not totally. Not without you. And what about Hannah?"

'Every time I looked at her I just remembered she wasn't you."

"Nev?"

"Lune?"

"Kiss me?" and he did. And for the first time in three years the two were totally and completely happy. And when they got married a year later, they wrote their own vows. They never discuss them, but when they read them off at the ceremony, their speeches begin with "Being with you is like coming home."


End file.
